Just say No

The dream is to be the good girl, to do the right thing, to succeed.

That's the dream, but that is no longer my dream.

I'm reading this book called Release from Powerlessness and it has addressed all of the issues that I have had with my gender that I didn't even realize that I even had! In the book, the author talks about how girls are brought up to "color within the lines", be good, be polite and you will succeed. Boys are brought up to push the limits and go above and beyond. This is the kind of stress that gives me a headache. The stress that I need to be prim and perfect. Now I have overloaded myself with so much structure that I feel like it has all come crumbling down. 19 credit hours, 15 hour internship, extra-curricular activities, and on top of all of this, a million books I want to read, art projects I want to create, things I want to see and yoga I want to do.

It feels impossible, and I'm starting to think it is. I keep thinking of all those women who do all this AND have kids. I just hope that they will come to realize that they don't have to have it all under control. These kind of stresses can even cause physical pain, even breast cancer. Starting right now, I'm not going to be a victim of this anymore.

This being the feeling that I need to be in control of absolutely everything. Maybe I thought when I got married I needed to know how to do it all. I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that many new mothers think they should know it all too. But how can you? You've never done it before. You might expect that you will cook your hunny pancakes every morning and greet him with a kiss in your flowered apron with a spatula in hand. Instead you are grabbing a granola bar and a latte as you run out the door and realize you didn't rinse the conditioner out of your hair.

The good news is that life can still be good, if I just learn to say no. No, I can't make it to that meeting, no I can't run that errand. My favorite word is YES, but unfortunatly I don't say it enough to myself.

Tommorow, I'm coloring all over the friggin page. And it's gonna be glorious!