Discovering the Beauty: Choices

People always want to be someone else. I don't.

I just want to be me.

The problem comes when being me isn't always so easy. I have a lot of pressures thrown my way. I know that I'm not alone on this, men and women alike. A lot of people want to be everything. I remember my freshman year of college a teacher drew three circles on the board with the words "social life", "sleep" and "school". He said "each day, you can only pick too". Four years later, I am faced with these same decisions. I constantly bite off more than I could ever chew. I feel like my new list is even longer and I can still only pick three things. I want to spend my day waking up, going for a run, sipping coffee and reading all before 8:30. I could do it, but I would never fully interested in any of these things because they would become more like tasks than thrills.

Unfortunately two things have been forced to the bottom of my list: health and God. Day after day I let my time with God and time with myself slip away. When I look back I think "wow, I've changed so much and I don't necessarily like the person that I have become. It is simple, those two things used to take precedence over everything else. I think back to when I worked L.E. I would walk all day in the blazing sun witnessing for God and every morning I would run a couple miles. I was vegetarian, I took Sabbath, I paid attention.

I had a mid-term evaluation yesterday at my internship with my teacher, my instructor and my preceptor. My teacher said that it was interesting that unlike a lot of seniors, I was not on autopilot and that my foot was still on the gas petal. Yes, he was right, about school. I have been on cruise control with every other part of my life. I can't be the only one who has ever gone through this lack-of-spiritual experience. I am so grateful that last night I came across my old L.E. journal and was reminded of the choices that I used to make. I still had to get up early, but I read a devotional before I started my day. I went on a run. I ate a healthy breakfast. I saved my money. Called home often. Treated others with respect. Gossiped less. Prayed more. I thought about things before I did them. It took a little 4x5 in art journal to point that out to me. I guess that sometimes your past self CAN give advice to your future self. :)

So now, having the personality that I do, I must make a plan. I'm going to model it on the summer of 2006. I'm sharing with you not because I think that the exact same things will work for you, but because you can hold me accountable. This might take some time but as stated in the book "Praise Habit", by David Crowder, it takes 30 days to form a good habit. This is my wellness plan for the next thirty days:

Step 1: Eat breakfast every morning

Step 2: Eat vegetarian and balanced

Step 3: Keep in touch with friends

Step 4: Exercise everyday, more often outdoors

Step 5: Keep an art journal

Step 6: Have a devotional every morning

Step 7: Dress in what is comfortable and affordable

Step 8: Keep organized

Step 9: Kiss Matt the very second you get home

Step 10: Do what is best, not what is easy- Uh hmmmm... drink less coffee

At first I thought that it was the people that surrounded me that summer that brought me so close to all of these things. They played a huge part in that, but ultimately I made that decision. I could blame it on the fact that I was in Colorado, fed by church members, surrounded by others working for Christ, but ultimately it was my choice to be that person. I guess that this is my way of overcoming some of the turmoil that I go through everyday. The scariest part is that I would not be happy if I died today because I did not make these choices. It is unsettling and may even sound dramatic, but I know that now I can make these choices and I am aware of where I am at. I know that pastor Joe Martin has to know the impact that L.E. has on a young person. L.E. came at a perfect time in my life and now I will always reference it as a place to go back to when I am feeling lost. I know that not everyone can do L.E., but I would encourage that everyone take some kind of journey with God where they devote time to walking with him everyday. Today is the day that I begin that experience again.